The Dreaded Question
The question I get asked at least once a week, “Are you ever going to get married?”. I cannot even begin to describe how much I dislike that question. I now cringe every time I hear those words. I can only imagine I’m feeling almost the same as newlywed couples being asked “Are you pregnant yet?”. I am feeling so much pressure to find a husband and I never thought my family and friends would be so obsessed with my relationship status.
Paralyzed by the Past
At 34 years old, my life consists of a great job that I am very passionate about and a 16 year old smart and moody teenage daughter. No husband. No dream home with a white picket fence. Somewhere around the age of 26 I lost complete interest in dating. I had just ended a four year relationship with a guy that I was certain was “the one”, but he wasn’t convinced I was his forever girl and we parted ways. I was crushed and felt as though the relationship was a waste of time. I clearly didn’t recognize it at the time, but I was depressed. My weight ballooned within a year. I was moody. I wasn’t interest in being social or doing things with friends. My only comfort zone was being with my daughter.
The Avoiding Pro
After so many years of being single, you get use to an independent way of life. I tried to fill the void by getting a dog, going back to school to get my bachelor’s degree, and signing my daughter up for every sport and activity she asked to try which kept me very busy. I continued to work hard at my job to earn promotions and even thought moving to a new town two hours away would give my daughter and I a fresh start. I am not unhappy being single, but I am not happy being single either. I realized I’m doing everything possible and make every excuse possible to avoid relationships.
For anyone not familiar with dating in your 30’s, it is intimidating. It’s awkward. It’s uncomfortable. You already know the “selection” will be minimal, and the places you go to meet single guys your age is very different from the places you meet guys in your 20’s. At 34 years old, I feel clueless about dating now…..so I just avoid it. It’s too complicated. What if he doesn’t like my daughter? What if my daughter doesn’t like him?
Get It Together
If I want to avoid dating, why am I even talking or thinking about dating? Let’s go back to my daughter, my world, the person I spend every spare moment with. She is 16 years old which means she will be moving on to college or other things in a few years leaving me….alone. I am young with a lot of life left in me and I do know that I enjoy sharing life with someone and as much as I would like it to be just my daughter and I forever, reality is she is growing up.
What About That Thing Called Online Dating
Once upon a time, for a few short weeks I tried online dating. My friends gave me an ultimatum that if I didn’t sign up for online dating, they would make a profile for me. Again, everyone is obsessed with the notion I may become a lonely cat lady. So online dating….I hated it. There are no instructions or rules of online dating so I found it to be time consuming with no fruit from the labor (there I go again about wasting my time). Then when I actually did go on a date, talk about uncomfortable! I went on 3 dates and was ready to leave after 10 minutes. Some of my friends have had success with online dating, but it was too stressful for me.
So now that I am becoming more open to the idea of dating again, I have no idea where to meet single men my age! What I do know is that my least favorite question is, “Are you ever going to get married?”.